Why Opioid Withdrawal Can Make You “Spontaneously Ejaculate”

This may come as a shock to hear, but opioids are incredibly bad. Whether they’re prescribed medically or bought on the street, opioid use has a litany of side effects.

By Braden Bjella

Published 1 year ago in Wow


This may come as a shock to hear, but opioids are incredibly bad. Whether they’re prescribed medically or bought on the street, opioid use has a litany of side effects. For example, sedation, nausea, dizziness, constipation and vomiting are all to be expected when you’re on opioids. Oh yeah, it’s also super easy to get addicted to them, and the more you use them, the more your tolerance builds, encouraging you to take larger and potentially deadly doses.


The ride doesn’t get easier once you try to kick the habit either. Withdrawal can literally kill you, and if it doesn’t, you’ll face uncontrollable tremors, anxiety, pounding headaches, nausea (again) — and, of course, spontaneous ejaculations.


Surprised? So were many Redditors when the idea was posted to r/todayilearned. That said, it’s not totally clear why this happens. Severalarticles have been written for scientific journals noting that this does sometimes happen, but the reasoning as to why seems to be more along the lines of “*shrug* IDK man opioids just mess everything up.”


However, in case you thought that opioid withdrawal is a hands-free orgasm-filled walk in the park, Redditors with opioid experience were quick to say that this is not the case. Dear god, this is absolutely not the case.


First, a few noted that people going through opioid withdrawal will ejaculate, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re having an orgasm. It could just mean that their dick is dripping loads as they writhe in pain on the floor — not the erotic fantasy you were imagining, huh?


Second, from personal stories, it sounds like there’s not much of this happening in the first place. “I’m telling you from experience there was nothing fucking fun about opioid withdrawal, and I did not cum not even once,” stated one Redditor. “As a retired heroin addict, the non-scientific reason is because we aren’t completely numb anymore so just walking can cause an erection. I know people who were 30 days out of rehab, was only kissing a chick and they busted a nut in their pants,” another explained.


So, if you’ve never had opioids, don’t start now. And if you’re currently an opioid user and interested in getting clean, don’t let the idea of the occasional waking wet dream discourage you from breaking the habit. A few ruined pairs of underwear is better than dying from street-pressed Percs.

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This Slideshow on the Ten Commandments Makes Religious Education Almost Seem Entertaining

Enter: powerpoints. Powerpoint nights are an increasingly popular form of entertainment. Far from being the sole purview of middle-aged businesspeople, powerpoints have become a vehicle for memes, jokes and celebrity conspiracy theories.

By cathybara

Published 1 year ago in Funny


For years, Christians have tried to make the Bible seem exciting. We’ve had films like Ben Hur and The Passion of the Christ, as well as more lighthearted fare like VeggieTales, but how can Christians reach increasingly online young people in this day and age without seeming like a tryhard youth pastor clinging on to his youth?


Enter: powerpoints. Powerpoint nights are an increasingly popular form of entertainment. Far from being the sole purview of middle-aged businesspeople, powerpoints have become a vehicle for memes, jokes and celebrity conspiracy theories.


Knowing this, when TikToker @gleebyglorp was asked to make a slideshow on the Ten Commandments by a teacher at their private Christian school, they knew what they had to do.


@gleebyglorp IM MYSELF LMAOO #slideshow #goofy #school #privateschool #backtoschool ? I Love You Jesus - Trisha Paytas


The slideshow opens with “Top 10 Things God Doesn’t Allow!!” and “Not Clickbait!” and is soundtracked by Trisha Paytas’ song “I Love You Jesus,” so you know it’s going to be good. Then, the first commandment, written in all caps: “No Gods b4 God!! Be a God stan,” accompanied by several incredibly appropriate emoji.


Second is “No (Kpop) idols!! Only have God as your bias!!” accompanied by a photo of everyone’s favorite K-pop band, BTS, with Drake’s Hotline Bling meme showing him rejecting them and accepting Jesus. A “bias” is someone’s favorite member of a K-pop group, and K-pop artists are referred to as “idols” in South Korea.


The slideshow continues in this vein, with Paytas’ warbling only enhancing the experience. Potentially my favorite slide is the one for “Thou shalt not kill,” which shows a stock photo of a woman pointing a gun at a fish and someone killing someone else in the online game that got us through lockdown, Among Us. A close second is definitely the slide for “Thou shalt not commit adultery” that utilizes the distracted boyfriend meme to great effect.


While the slideshow is perfect for the internet, there’s no word on how it’s been received by @gleebyglorp’s teacher or classmates: They’re set to present it sometime this week. We can only hope that there is a God, and @gleebyglorp gets the A they so richly deserve. 

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